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On our first weekend together after a few bottles of champagne on the 42nd floor pool overlooking a beautiful city, we began discussing dating; she had been in a relationship for quite some time and was not used to all the apps, the swiping, the unsolicited di#k picks…She was shocked, and I was somewhat immune to it.

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Today, people rely on leads from any number of online sources.

You can try Tinder where there are plenty of leads, but they are often tire kickers, just looking for a free test drive, not really prepared to make a purchase.

In reality what this does is make the girl do all the work while the boys are getting more and more lazy, forgetting that it is in their nature to hunt and conquer.

Let’s also remember that Bumble pays people to create and have a profile up, and exchange a few messages before ghosting (but more on that topic later). You focus on nurturing these leads, and further qualify them.

And the way I see it, dating back in the day was more Mad Men style.

People put in a lot of effort; it was all about impressing the other party and building a long lasting relationship that really meant something.

I'm mentally introducing this guy to my parents, wondering if I should tell everyone we met on Bumble or just say we met at a bar when everyone will know the truth is we met on Bumble anyway? If he were really all that, he wouldn't be on Bumble in the first place. So I get to the bar where I'm supposed to meet this guy. Part of me curses myself for having jokingly predicted this outcome, while part of me is smug that I was right, yet again. (In this guy's defense he was a perfectly nice dude except for the fact that one of the first things he said to me was to tell a story about how one time a girl showed up for a date who was heavier than her pictures and he literally pretended to be someone else and ran away.

We set up a date, and I'm thinking this is the one. "You crazy for this one," I think to myself, because sometimes I think to myself in Jay Z's ad libs. A full-grown man, exactly like in the pictures, but with the voice of Elmo. I don't know about you all, but I just could not fuck Mickey Mouse with a straight face.

Or, say, you work at the Apple store hawking i Phones and tell people you work "in tech sales." SPEAKING FOR A FRIEND.

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